Marriage Is a Team Sport When You Have Kids
Having a happy marriage with kids starts with you and your husband working together as a team. Learn how have a team player attitude and make your relationship a slam dunk!
Team Marriage
I bet you never expected that when you popped out a baby that you were automatically entering yourself in the World Cup of the ultimate extreme team sport: marriage with kids.
Being both good parents and good spouses requires you and your husband to see each other as teammates. If you don’t pull each other up and work together as a team, you will both fall and suffer a terrible loss – the loss of the love in your marriage.
In this article we are going to take a look at how we can use sports and teamwork to help us change our mindset about marriage with kids.
Put on your jerseys, grab your foam fingers, and get ready to inject your marriage with a little team spirit!
How to work as a team in your marriage with kids
When your marriage is suffering from the exhaustion and onslaught of never-ending responsibility that come with being parents, you can easily begin to become resentful of your husband. Without a team mentality, he slips away from you and becomes more like your rival, and that’s when your marriage truly being to fall apart.
Don’t worry, though.
With the right mindset that focuses on seeing you and your partner together as a team and making tweaks in your actions to contribute to that team, your marriage is going to instantly take a turn for the better and be stronger than ever.
Don’t keep score against each other – play to win together
Often in our marriages with kids, we find ourselves duking it out against our husbands in a never-ending battle to see who does more than the other person.
“You took out the garbage? Well, I made dinner.”
“I did 5 loads of laundry today and all you did was mow the lawn.”
“It’s your turn to walk the dog. I did it last time.”
The problem with scorekeeping in your marriage is that you and your husband end up playing against each other rather than playing together as a team.
Instead of constantly keeping track of how much you have done and how much he has done, focus instead on the both of you achieving your goals together. When you work together as a team, you will win together as a team, whereas when you are playing against each other, you both end up losing.
Do your special job
In sports, every player on the team has a specific job to do that plays to their best strengths. In soccer you have your goalie and your striker, for example, that have completely different roles but are both essential for winning the game.
The same goes for your marriage – you both have to take on different roles in the team based on your skills to get the job done.
Rather than expecting each other to be able to do everything all the time, find which chores and tasks best play to your strengths and become experts in those roles. You can always fill in for the other as necessary, but when you each take on your specific role, you will be more efficient at helping the team succeed.
Back up your teammate
Sometimes in your marriage as a parent, you and your partner are going to disagree about how to handle a situation. For example, maybe your partner insists on no dessert for your child after some bad dinner behavior, whereas you might be more inclined to give in to a little treat.
Always remember to back up your teammate in front of the fans (AKA your kids). You want them to see you and your husband as a united front working together as a team.
In sports, if the fans saw two plays squabbling on the court over strategy in a basketball games, the players would be showered with boos.
Your kids might be a little more subtle, but they are definitely thinking the same thing when they see you and your partner undermining each other.
Don’t let the fans see you fighting
That doesn’t mean you can’t be in disagreement with your teammate sometimes. Just make sure to take the discussion in the locker room together after the game!
Enjoy playing together
Playing sports is supposed to be FUN! You and your teammate are going to work better together on the practical side of things when you remember to have fun together.
You may think that you don’t have time to have fun in your life when you are busy taking care of everything else, but having fun together is a necessity for maintaining your connection to your husband. You can’t be great teammates if you are feeling like disconnected strangers, after all!
Instead you need to be in sync and on each other’s side. And the best way to do that is to make every effort to try new things, laugh, and play together.
Pace yourselves so you don’t burn out
In any long-distance race or endurance sport, the athletes must find a pace they can maintain without getting too exhausted to finish.
The same goes for parenting. Keeping up with the kids and your house and jobs and family and friends and hobbies and everything else can be exhausting.
You need to find a pace together as a team that you both can maintain so you can win the race. Maybe you both run slow and stead together for the whole thing, or you do a relay race where one of you sprints and then passes the baton to your teammate.
Figure out what works best for you and your husband in your marriage so you can keep up without burning out.
Agree to the rules of the game
Following rules in your marriage with kids, just like following the rules in sports, can be a great way to work successfully as a team.
Now by rules I don’t mean that you can’t eat snacks in bed or that you need to be home before the streetlights turn on.
But rules that define who does what around the house, for example, or setting a regular schedule for date night can help everyone on the team know the expectations, play fairly, and have fun.
Set your rules together with your husband and make sure that you both agree.
Celebrate the wins
Nothing is more fun in sports than celebrating your victories! And in your marriage with kids, celebrating your wins is a great way to keep the team motivated.
Pay attention to the things that you are able to accomplish as a couple, even if they seem irrelevant sometimes. Perhaps you went a whole day without arguing or you’ve gotten so good at getting through your bedtime routine with your kids that you’ve bought yourselves and extra 10 minutes of free time each evening.
Take a minute to reflect on and appreciate these small but impactful victories. The more you notice them and the more goals you begin to hit, the more fun it is to continue working together as a team.
Use your playbook
Feeling like you’ve hit a sore spot in your marriage after having kids and not sure where to turn?
Use your playbook here at Dating in Captivity!
If you’re ever in a pinch and need some tips and tricks to help you improve your marriage and your teamwork with your husband, you can always refer to the articles and guides right here. We’ve got you covered on the best plays that are sure to help you win.
Communicate your needs with these sports metaphors
Sometimes communicating with our husbands about what we need to make our marriages more successful can be difficult. It’s hard to get them to understand us when we try to explain.
If that is the case for you, try using the sport’s metaphors we have used in this article to explain it to him in a way that he can relate to! Just shifting gears and thinking of a problem in a relatable way is enough to help it sink in and make sense.
Let’s. Go. Team!
Are you ready, mama?
Don’t spend another day waiting for your marriage to magically get better as your kids grow older and you and your husband grow further apart. Take charge of your life and get the marriage you want and deserve.
Start working together as a team today!
This article is part of the series How to Revive Your Marriage After Kids Fundamental 1: Have a Constructive Attitude.
About me
Hi, I’m Bailee! I am a mom just like you who, after having my second baby, was struggling BIG TIME to cope with motherhood and marriage. Divorce seemed like the inevitable option until I decided to fight for the family life that I truly wanted.
I challenged my husband to give our marriage one more go and was able to pull us out of the abyss. With a change in my mindset and some other handy tools and tricks along the way, I brought us back into the light of a happy marriage with kids.
Now I am here now to help you do the same! Are you ready, mama? Learn more.
